Costco Heaven

Costco Heaven (Part One)                                      11/11/11

Growing up with World War II era parents in the late 1970’s, our Kitchen closets always looked like an underground bunker, waiting for a nuclear winter. Every closet and extra space was full to the top with house hold goods. Per my parents, “You just never know son, when the Russians are going to invade!” Looking back, we always had those extra rolls of toilet paper, rows of canned peas, green beans, and Coke a Cola. Yes, we had to have the Cola. No invasion would be good without Cola! And don’t forget the spam! Come to think about it, I have would rather surrendered to the enemy than face the menu of Cola, canned green beans and Spam the rest of my life. Sometimes when one would open a closet door, one would be wise to be wearing a hard hat. No kidding!  I remember the day when my mom asked me to get something out of the top closet pantry. The next thing I remember, after waking up on the ground, is seeing cans of food stuff flying down at my head.

When Costco opened up it in the 80’s it was like my parents experienced heaven on earth! One day I asked my mom if I needed a special membership card to visit the overstocked pantry. She just looked at me and said, “Please leave a gratuity on the table”. At this point I want to stress they were not hoarders. Not one piece of furniture was ever out of place and there were no National Geographic magazines stacked a mile high in the middle of the living room. (They were in the closet).

 Well today I find the apple does not fall far from the proverbial Costco tree, for I find myself at Costco stacking my cart full of inert meat stuff and, Oh look! They have food samples!  Yum! Organic Apple Turkey Sausage and Ravioli stuffed with cheese! Tacos, tofu and toffee oh my!  Nibbling my way through the store I wonder if they would notice if I made another round. Would they recognize me if put my sun glasses on this time? I wonder if they ever booted anyone out of the store for just sampling. Free lunch anyone? I can just see myself on the six o’clock news being escorted out of the store, kicking and screaming, “I’m an Executive Member!”  

 “This is Dan Green at KSBW News, there was a swat team assembled outside of Costco today on the Westside of Santa Cruz. It appears from our sources that a man was caught sampling too much of the free Turkey Sausage and Pizza Nips. He was spotted cruising in and out of the refrigerator isle eating his way over to the baked goods area and harassing the demo staff!” “The demo staff report that, “He seemed like he was a nice man, but you just never know about those nice quite types.” Well, you just never know when the Russians are going to invade either!