911 The Sequel

911 the Sequel.                                                              3/20/14

It’s been 17 days and two stints since my last Cardiac Infarction. I am very grateful to God and his power to keep me alive and sane through this ordeal. The following is some of the lessons I have learned and some character building skills I have used going through it.

I was told I have a strong heart and that all my other arteries are 100% fine. The meds I am on are another matter.  One of them has given me the hives. I have never had hives or any other allergic skin reaction for that matter so this is all new to me. So out I went and bought a bottle of Benadryl Anti-itch gel . “Ah, that feels so much better!”  My second time in the hospital was just as good experience as the first. The "Cardio Staff "are wonderful! Things that I have learned since I was in the hospital are too numerous to mention, but here are a few tid-bits.

I learned that training new EMT’s takes place in the ER. While I was being admitted the nurse came in and told me he was training this new EMT on how to install an IV into the arm artery. I said, ‘Sure no problem!”  So as this new guy was trying to find my vein, I hear him muttering, “Oh you have great veins!”  For some reason all the nurses kept complementing me on how big my veins were. I secretly think they have a vein fetish or something. Anyway, he kept thumping my arm to get it to pop, then pressure, then pain, then I heard, “Oh Shit!” Hu? He yelled at the nurse, I can’t stop the bleeding! Yes, folks everyone wants to hear THAT in the ER. They finally got it under control. But I felt SO sorry for the new guy. He spent the next half hour cleaning up my blood off of him, off of me and off the floor. I kept thinking, “I hope there are no vampires around, I’d be a smorgasbord!” He left and walked back by, then he walked by again, and then he came in again and said, “I still have to clean up so more”. I said, “oh where now?”, and he said, “I saw that I missed some on your arm”.  That was so thoughtful of him! We all have to go through a learning curve and that must be the hardest profession to do so. I would have preferred not to have been his subject of training though. Hey, maybe I can get a discount off the bill?! 

I had to keep telling myself that, Yes, the doctors and nurses do know what they are doing and that they do not need my help in controlling the situation. “Lord, help me to except the things I cannot change…..”

I learned that while sleeping, I like to wrap the IV tube around my neck and then around my Legs. That was a fun one to get out of. I also learned I can still sleep soundly while EKG and IV machines go off sounding high pitched siren beeping sounds, I think this was thanks to the Norco they gave me.  I have also come to realize that I am hopelessly uncoordinated when it comes to putting on those hospital gowns with all the buttons, snaps and ties. I think the nurses were secretly amused at this because they liked fixing me up back there. Hey!  I have a nice butt! And apparently nice veins too, who knew?

My last experience was Norco induced for which I am not responsible for the outcome.  Every night around midnight the nursing staff changed shifts. And every night they would wake me up and introduce me to the new nurse. The last night I was there, I was having body aches and flu like shivers, (Extra Norco please!) and in walked the homeliest nurse I had ever seen. I thought, “Well all my nurses up to that point were all very good looking. I guess there had to be a homely one in the bunch.” But she was so big and brawny, that she scared me. Think, “Dwayne Johnson, the Rock”. I mean really this girl could break me in half! When she came over I backed down in the bed and said, "Please be gentle!" Then she said, “Hi, my name is Ron and I will be your new nurse this evening.” RON!? He was great and I am glad he saw me through the night. And no, I do not think he would have enjoyed fixing my gown.

Now that I am on the other side of a mild cardiac infarction, I am out warning everyone to get checked. If you are experiencing any weird aches and pains go get them checked out. Especially if you have a family history of heart disease and are over the big “Five O”. Now that we are all “Covered Californians” we should not have any excuses. Yea Right....

Cardiac Infarction

“911 what is your emergency?” “Ah, what does a Heart Attack feel like?”

No, this is not Downton Abbey and I am not Lady Mary or Lord Crawley but boy are they making me feel like royalty. “May I change your sheets Lord Larson?” “May I get you some water?” “May I help you on with your clean gown?” Yes, folks I am in the cardiac word at Dominican Hospital. It all started 3 nights ago on a cold rainy Friday morning, when I woke up at 2am feeling like I went three rounds with Rocky Balboa. Guys, if you ever wake up and feel like your jaw is being ripped off your face and your arms go numb, along with the sensation that someone is sitting on your chest, then you are! Having a Heart Attack!  Welcome to my 50s! As I am trying to figure out how to dial 911, I realize I have no clue…Hu? When I finally figure it out I asked the 911 operator, “Do you know what it feels like to have a heart attack? She said, “Are you having a heart attack?” I said, “I do not know, I thought you would know” She said, “Let me transfer you to an emergency operator. I said, “I thought you WERE the emergency operator.” As she clicked me over…I thought to myself, “They will probably find me in the morning clutching the phone while listening to hold music”.

A guy came on and asked me if I was having a heart attack. I said, “I do not know, I thought you would know.” He said, “What are you experiencing?” When I was finished explaining how Rocky Balboa was winning this round, He said, “We will send someone right over.” “Do you want to stay on the phone?” I said, “Do I have a choice?” He said, “No", and that he was just being polite and that I needed to stay on the phone until they got there. It was pouring rain and I thought of all the nights I have a heart attack it has to be on a storm watch night up here in the Felton Mountains. I kept feeling sorry for them!  That’s not codependency is it? Well, they finally arrived and got me into the ambulance and put a nitro glycerin pill under my tongue. And Rocky slowly melted away. Ah HA! I win!

They pulled out of my driveway and off we went down the Daytona 500. No kidding!!  I told the Medic he did not need to drive so fast, that I felt better. But NO! It felt like a roller coaster ride down Highway 9. We kept rolling back and forth as the other medic tried to put the IV in my hand but he kept missing. Every time he poked I pocked back. He was a young kid and was very apologetic that my hand had become a pin cushion. He finally gave up and said we’d wait until we got to the emergency room. I think he was eventually able to get an IV into my arm. I was just grateful that the pain went away and I was in good hands. Then the light went out. “AH, is that me or is that the ambulance?” He mumbled something and they came back on. Just a side note from cardiac patients in Ambulances to medics. “You never want to see the lights go out!” I was then asked a battery of questions, one of them being, “Do I have a family history of heart disease? “Which I replied, “Not any more they all died of heart attacks.” As Chelsey Handler would say, “Ooopsi”.

After we arrived in the ER and they secured that my infarction had subsided, I love that word, Infarction, infarction, infarction! I whipped out the magic insurance card and off I went up to my own room in the cardiac ward. Gee, I have a view of the cemetery how thoughtful of them. A few hours later after the meeting with the most wonderful doctor of all time, Dr. Ochoa and his Nurse Beth, I was tied down on a bed and whisked off to this wonderful looking laboratory with whirling monitors, lights from all directions and movable tables, and an amazing staff. If I did not know better I felt like I was playing out a scene of an alien abduction scenario. Except I could see they were humans with big eyes, wearing masks and caps and gowns, gee I think they were human. Yes, of course they were, yet, do you know we now have the technology to insert a hair like tube up someone’s artery system and insert a stint the size of a paper clip which allows the blood to flow through a clogged artery? I think that is Alien Technology. They then told me they were going to shoot me up with morphine, YAHOO! To be honest I am not sure of these chain of events but all of sudden I heard a buzzing sound, like hair clippers, and then a sudden tickling sensation in my nether regions. After they told me what they wanted to do, I said, “You want to insert a tube up where!? In my groin? Do you know what’s down there?!  Yes, Sire we do, but it’s the best method of fixing your Cardiac Infarction, did I say I love that word? Oops there goes the royalty pun again. But really that’s how they made me feel.

Many more wonderful things happened that night but I will write more about them later. Suffice it to say, I am now one week living after a Mild Heart Attack, Infarction. Ha ha.  The Doc said, that he got me just in time and that it was the right thing to do, to dial 911, even though it was pouring rain and I was not sure if it was a heart attack or if it was just the pizza I ate a few hours before. Between you and me, I do not think Pizza fights back like that in real life like it does in the commercials. I want to profusely thank the men and women who saved my life. To the ambulance medic who reassured me that I would be fine, to the ER doctors, who convinced me to stay put in the ER when I wanted to bolt. (That’s another story). I want to thank Beth and Barbara and the many other nurses whose name escapes me. I want to thank Doctor Ochoa most of all. He not only helped save my life but he treated me with dignity and human compassion. If anyone out there is having a Cardiac Infarction, then he is the one to see.