Aluminumating Addiction

 Aluminumating Addiction                                                          12/15/13

I have been an Asthmatic all my life. The things that set it off are Cats, Hay and Christmas Trees. I always forget about the Christmas trees until the holiday season hits, then its inhaler and pill popping time so that I can breathe again. Because of this issue, childhood with my parents was an adventure in avoiding things that would set me off or end up putting me in the emergency room. In order to still have a resemblance of Christmas during the Holiday season we had an artificial Christmas tree. (Aluminum to be exact).  Silver Aluminum Christmas Trees were all the rage growing up in the 60’s, that and Pink Flamingos but that is a whole other story. This tree was so ingrained in my childhood memory that to this day whenever I open up a wrap of Aluminum foil, I get the urge to break out in Christmas carols. I remember my parents decorated it in red and green ornaments and then lit it with a multicolored strobe light that would slowly rotate from blue, green, red and yellow. It was quite a site when the light hit the aluminum.  Actually the whole room looked like a huge rainbow.  That with the pink flamingos outside, well no wonder I have issues. Just saying…..

I remember the year the addiction in my family started. Yes, folks we became, “That Family.”  The one family in the neighborhood that over decorated at Christmas. To match the inside, my dad would hang red and green Christmas lights over every inch of the outside house. I believe if we had the technology back then we would have been the neighbors that had their lights synchronized to music. When the movie Christmas Vacation came out with Chevy Chase, my sister and I, turned to each other and said, “Hey That’s’ mom and dad!” It all started innocently enough, one year with a Yule Log of all things. It was given to us by one of my dad’s friends who was a 3rd grade school teacher. Every season she would have her kids decorate yule logs with all sorts of decorations.  And every year there would be one left over, maybe from the Jewish kid, I have no idea. But she and her sister would come over a week before Christmas Eve and give us one of these decorated Yule Logs.  Year after year they would come and year after year we would decorate and soon our living room became a Macy’s window display, with bright twinkling lights and a yule log by the fireplace.  I googled it to find out exactly what a Yule Log is and this is what I came up with. It must be true because it was on Wikipedia.

“A yule log is a large and very hard log which is burned in the hearth as a part of traditional Yule or Christmas celebrations in several European cultures. It may also be associated with the winter solstice festival or the Twelve Days of Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, or Twelfth Night. The expression yule log has also come to refer to log-shaped Christmas cakes, also known as chocolate logs or bûche de Noël. The yule log is related to other Christmas and Yuletide traditions such as the ashen faggot.”

Ashen Faggot? I think this story just took a sudden left turn.  I remember the day when dad brought home a Real Evergreen Fake Christmas tree in the box from Sears. My first instinct was to run for my inhaler. Then came the robot Santa Clauses. God knows where they came from. Every year we put Mrs. and Mrs. Santa clause in the front picture window next to the fake Christmas tree. I remember that  they would just stand there waving their hands in slow motion at the passerby’s who would drive slowly down the street to look at our big window display to see the newest addition to our addiction, I mean collection. Sometimes people came up to the living room window and peeped in which was very unnerving! Especially when one was in the middle of watching a Brady Bunch episode.  One night, to get back at them, I secretly pulled the fingers back on the Santa Claus so the entire outside world got the middle finger. Mom and dad never had a clue. Surprisingly we won best decorated house that year. My dad still has the Plaque on his wall. I was very proud of my parents. I think it was 1977.  Maybe this year I can pass on a truly awesome tradition and bring someone else a Yule Log so they can become Christmas Decorating Addicts to!

Happy Ashen Faggot Day? Bah,

 Merry Christmas Everyone!