The Potty Dance

Hi Folks, some of you expressed that I should post some of my older columns in my new Face Book Page. Well here we go....

The Potty Dance          6/18/10                                                                                   

           

Basically I have had a lifelong crush on Jamie Lee Curtis ever since I saw her in the movie, “Halloween” in the 1970's. ok ok... to tell you the truth I never could bring myself to watch THAT particular movie until I was way into my 30's...BUT my crush on her grew with every movie she was in after that, and most particular the one in 1994 called, "True Lies" with which she appeared with our current Governator. Anyhow.... when I saw her make her commercial about the yogurt Activia....I thought to myself, "Self, I'll have to try that crap!" Little did I know that the word crap would come back to haunt me....and my dog. See, my dog Blue has always loved yogurt, cheese and ice cream. So every time I have a little dairy he gets some. Neither of us are lactose in tolerant so I never gave it a thought that THIS particular yogurt would be any different than the rest we have tried.

 What I am trying to say here is that they need to put a very strong warning label on Activia... and it needs to read like this: " Never EVER NEVER!!… did I say NEVER EVER give this to you dog!" NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Put it this way...not only did it clean out me and my colon but it cleaned out the colon of my beloved pooch as well...and it kept on cleaning and cleaning and cleaning....

It started at 3am in the morning and lasted until the following night. In fact our colons were so well timed that as soon as I got the call we both looked at each other and we ran for the toilet...he to the outside grass and me to the bathroom. The potty dance as I would like to refer to it, for both our colons were in perfect Synchronization. Needless to say, my crush on Jamie Lee has been tarnished. I now see her happy bubbly eat this yogurt commercial with disdain and suspicion. And I don't think I really like her gray hair...hum....

Michael Larson 6/18/10

The Cat on a Hot Pool Cover

The Cat on a Hot Pool Cover                                     2-2-12

“The cat on the hot tin roof”, no that’s taken, How about, The cat who came to dinner”…nah. Ok, The cat who fell in the pool. Yes, for about a year now my part time cat has been hanging out by the pool to sun himself. On top of the pool I have a blue pool cover to keep the water temp at a certain level and to keep the leaves out of it. Well, lately I have caught him going out there and pawing at the cover with this expression on his face like he is thinking, “It looks like water but it has a funny feeling to it”. I had a visual of him trying to walk on it someday and sure enough, one morning I just happened to look out and hear him screaming and there he is, out on the cover HOWLING like he is in heat! Because the cover is sinking, and because of his fear of getting wet, he has clinched his claws into the plastic and is up to his head in the water.  I run out and pull the cover over to me, drenched kitty and all.  As I try to pull him out, he is fighting me and I almost go in myself. I finally get myself anchored on to the side of the pool and tug and tug then pull him off.  Needless to say he was, one wet, pissed off pussy, um kitty. I held him up and he was soaking wet, going limp in my hands, his ears laid down and wearing an expression of hopelessness on his dejected face, he looked at me like it was my fault. Of course it is he’s a cat! One thing I can say is from then on, he has stayed away from the pool and I don’t think he will ever be a fan of Michael Phelps.