Wednesday, December 5, 2012

State Harm Is There!!


12/5/12               State the Facts and do no Harm State Farm.

 

So I just heard the jingle from the State Farm Commercial, “That like a good neighbor Start Farm is there”. And I just had the worst experience ever with them. So my take on that song is, “Is Like a bad Neighbor Start Harm is not there…..”   They have a horrible billing and customer service system. Basically it went down like this. I bought a new car last month and In order for my insurance to go right into effect while I was still at the dealer I had to sign up with auto pay where a certain amount was deducted from my checking account per month. The amount was only for $87.00  If I had not signed up for auto pay I  would have had to pay double the amount of  $161.00 even though I was a previous customer. Well I wanted to save the extra eighty dollars so I agreed, thinking I would just cancel auto pay the following month. I do not like to have things taken out of my account because it is too hard to keep track of it. I like to pay my bills on line or over the phone when they are due, that way I can keep track of it and keep in control. So this new month rolls around and I called STFM and the snippy customer service rep on the line said, “yes, I could cancel auto pay but I would still have to pay double". The double amount was still going to be for $161.00.  I said that’s bull pucky for I just paid a months dues the previous month. It was not like I was behind on my payments. So I sent a check for $81.00 in, thinking it would just suffice.  Well I got a call stating that I was up for cancelation because I only sent it the $81.00 amount. So I said, Ok OK, I will send another $80.00 to cover the complete amount of $161.00 since my $81.00 check cleared. And this is where State Farm was not there. She said, " No way, that my check will be sent back and that I needed to pay the $161.00 right then and there because I was in some kind of cancelation mode status". I said no way! You already have this months dues of $81.00. I will only pay $80.00 which would equal the $161.00 and she said that my check will be sent back regardless and that $80.00 will not do. And on and on she went being rude and uncompromising so I hung up on her. She treated me very badly and I did not get what I wanted. I then called another State Farm agency and he said he would check. He then called me back and said the same thing. (I know he checked with her) that I needed to make the whole entire amount $161.00 even though they had $81.00 of it all ready cashed and sitting on the account. So out of complete fear and desperation of being canceled I sent them $161.00. This neighbor now felt angry, and fearful. Then the following Tuesday the day before cancelation, another rep called me and said, that she could take my payment of $80.00 over the phone. I said WHAT!!!??  You mean this could have been taken care of on the following week and now you’re saying I can do this?! I said it was too late. I already mailed in the $161.00 and it would bounce if I paid her another $80.00 over the phone. I did not know if the check had cleared or not.  She said if it did not post in time I would be a few days without coverage. Well, as of this writing it has not posted as cleared from my account on the cancelation day of today. So I guess I do not have coverage. Yes, State Farm is there to take all your money and leave you without coverage. So I wrote the California State Insurance Department and filed a complaint. I am not sure I know what else to do since Start Farm is there to keep my money hostage. I cannot cancel my check nor can I get it back. So I guess they will keep my $161. Plus my $81.00. State Farm is there like a greedy neighbor! They now have $242. Of my money and I have no coverage. State farm can keep the buffalo away from my car but not rude customer service reps who take revenge on you by complicating your life. All she had to do was take my payment over the phone a week ago and we’d all be happy neighbors. Instead she got bitchy and took my money as hostage. So people State Harm is there to do you wrong! UPDATE: 1/11/13 So my $161. 00 cleared on the same day I got my $81.00 back in the mail. I was cancelled for 3 days. Thank God no fender benders. The next day I got another bill for $81.00 due the same day. I let it go and now I owe $164.00. So I slipped it in their front office mail slot because of all days, it is due on the 13th which is a Sunday. What they do not know is I am canceling them in April when my 6 month is up and going to another Insurance company that will give me more in coverage and less in monthy installments. Trust me, at this point if State Farm were my neighbor, I would move~! I am also going to persue action from the State Insurance Board in April. I will let you all know the outcome.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Vitameta Gummymins


Vita Meta Gummymins 

Recently I told a good friend of mine that I felt the need to start taking a daily vitamin because I was feeling tired. She said oh, you should take what I take, and she turned me on to her vitamin of choice. Gummy Vitamins. So we went down to Costco and I bought a huge bottle of Gummy-mins, for you know they never carry anything small. On the bottle it has pictures of oranges, berries and hu? A fish? Oh its packed with lots of Omega 3. I hope there isn’t a salmon tasting one in the bunch. So I read on, “Ok, it has all the recommended daily allowance of vitamins that I need being a man of my age. The recommended dosage was two a day”.  Well the other night I was sitting there watching TV when I got my normal craving for something sweet. I searched the house but there was nothing sugary and sweet to eat. My tummy said, “What I wouldn’t give right now for a piece of candy!”  The more I watched TV, the more my sweet tooth grew. I then noticed the bottle of Gummy-mins sitting on my nightstand and thought to myself, “Self, I forgot to take my vitamins this morning didn’t I?” So I reached over and grabbed the huge bottle and dished out two of them and popped them in my mouth. As I chewed them down, I thought, “These are good, I want more!” So I took two more and chewed them up. The next thing I knew I had consumed about 10 of them. I thought, “Hey wait, these aren’t candy, I wonder if I can over dose? I can just see my land lord finding my lifeless body in front of the TV with a silly grin on my face succumbing to the deliciousness of the Gummy-mins. I started to worry. “I wonder if I should go throw them up? Nah, that’s too irrational”. The bottle says do not exceed the recommended dose. Oh oh, I wonder if I’ll have side effects?” Yes, folks, there were side effects! Extreme Constipation. Did I say extreme? Put it this way, I felt like I was giving birth. Not that I know what that is like, but believe me I do not think my butt cheeks could have spread any further then they did. I looked down in the tidy bowl and thought, “Is that an orange gummy-min swimming around doing the back flip?  So now when I get my sweet tooth I do not reach for the Gummymins, but rather the new stash of foil wrapped chocolate kisses hidden in my drawer. (I have to hide them from the dog) I understand that they loaded with lots of antioxidants! At least that’s what I have been told. Hum, I wonder if they have chocolate covered Gummy-mins?

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Elderly and Their Wicked Ways

The Elderly and Their Wicked Ways                                                       3/09/12

I have a friend named Lilly, who works for a popular care organization. Meaning she is sent out to help take care of elderly people who need light care taking, such as shopping or looking after. Last week she said she was sent out to the San Francisco Bay area to a couple who happened to be very wealthy. Their home was a three story condo that sat on top of a hill overlooking the whole entire San Francisco Bay. Harold and Edith were both in their late 80’s and had been married for around 60 years. Edith suffered from some kind of dementia and the reason why she needed care was because she could not remember things. Harold wanted to take a small three day vacation once a month and needed someone to watch over her while he was away.
So after Lilly interviewed with them, Harold being so grateful to find someone that his wife liked, took them all out for a Filet Mignon dinner, which Lilly said must have cost him plenty! The next weekend Lilly came back to the house to take care of Edith. They really seemed to hit it off and had a good time. My friend Lilly has a great sense of humor and is a great conversationalist while always making people laugh. On that Sunday evening as they were talking, they could hear Harold come home down stairs and Lilly said, “Oh it sounds like your husband’s home; let’s go down stairs and meet him.” And Edith said, “Oh honey you stay right here and I will go down and meet him.” And Lilly said, “I can go with you.” Then Edith said, “NO! You floozy! I will go meet MY husband, because he is MY husband!” Well, Lilly just could not understand the woman’s strange change in behavior, because they were having such a good weekend.
So Lilly relented, as the woman got up and went down stairs. Being curious, Lilly tip toed to the top of the stairs to listen in on the conversation.
As she was listening she heard the following exchange; Harold to Edith, “So how was your weekend?” Edith, “I told you for the last time, to stop bringing these strange women home! I have put up with your womanizing for the last 60 years and I have had about enough of it! I want her out of my house!” Well, Lilly could not believe her ears, so she quickly put her coat on and snuck down the stairs to her car. Passing them in the hallway, Edith just glared at her while Lilly just shrugged her shoulders at Harold. As she was getting into her car, Harold knocked on her window, and said that he was so sorry, and that Lilly was the third caretaker he had hired, and that Edith had not liked any of them. Lilly said, that’s ok, and with a glint in his eye, he said,” Well, honey you are beautiful, and if I could make this 89 year old body work….. As of this writing Lilly had not heard back from the couple.

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Potty Dance

Hi Folks, some of you expressed that I should post some of my older columns in my new Face Book Page. Well here we go....


The Potty Dance          6/18/10                                                                                   
           
Basically I have had a lifelong crush on Jamie Lee Curtis ever since I saw her in the movie, “Halloween” in the 1970's. ok ok... to tell you the truth I never could bring myself to watch THAT particular movie until I was way into my 30's...BUT my crush on her grew with every movie she was in after that, and most particular the one in 1994 called, "True Lies" with which she appeared with our current Governator. Anyhow.... when I saw her make her commercial about the yogurt Activia....I thought to myself, "Self, I'll have to try that crap!" Little did I know that the word crap would come back to haunt me....and my dog. See, my dog Blue has always loved yogurt, cheese and ice cream. So every time I have a little dairy he gets some. Neither of us are lactose in tolerant so I never gave it a thought that THIS particular yogurt would be any different than the rest we have tried.
 What I am trying to say here is that they need to put a very strong warning label on Activia... and it needs to read like this: " Never EVER NEVER!!… did I say NEVER EVER give this to you dog!" NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Put it this way...not only did it clean out me and my colon but it cleaned out the colon of my beloved pooch as well...and it kept on cleaning and cleaning and cleaning....
It started at 3am in the morning and lasted until the following night. In fact our colons were so well timed that as soon as I got the call we both looked at each other and we ran for the toilet...he to the outside grass and me to the bathroom. The potty dance as I would like to refer to it, for both our colons were in perfect Synchronization. Needless to say, my crush on Jamie Lee has been tarnished. I now see her happy bubbly eat this yogurt commercial with disdain and suspicion. And I don't think I really like her gray hair...hum....

Michael Larson 6/18/10

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Cat on a Hot Pool Cover

The Cat on a Hot Pool Cover                                     2-2-12

“The cat on the hot tin roof”, no that’s taken, How about, The cat who came to dinner”…nah. Ok, The cat who fell in the pool. Yes, for about a year now my part time cat has been hanging out by the pool to sun himself. On top of the pool I have a blue pool cover to keep the water temp at a certain level and to keep the leaves out of it. Well, lately I have caught him going out there and pawing at the cover with this expression on his face like he is thinking, “It looks like water but it has a funny feeling to it”. I had a visual of him trying to walk on it someday and sure enough, one morning I just happened to look out and hear him screaming and there he is, out on the cover HOWLING like he is in heat! Because the cover is sinking, and because of his fear of getting wet, he has clinched his claws into the plastic and is up to his head in the water.  I run out and pull the cover over to me, drenched kitty and all.  As I try to pull him out, he is fighting me and I almost go in myself. I finally get myself anchored on to the side of the pool and tug and tug then pull him off.  Needless to say he was, one wet, pissed off pussy, um kitty. I held him up and he was soaking wet, going limp in my hands, his ears laid down and wearing an expression of hopelessness on his dejected face, he looked at me like it was my fault. Of course it is he’s a cat! One thing I can say is from then on, he has stayed away from the pool and I don’t think he will ever be a fan of Michael Phelps.   

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Distractive Driving

Taking the Bus and Counting Cars.                                      1/13/12

Since my car tanked and stopped running last month, I have had to take the bus from Felton to Scotts Valley. I must say, standing here waiting for the bus on highway 9 is a lesson in patience and humility.  Watching the cars pass by, I started playing a game to see who is not paying attention to their driving. There is a cell phone law that was modified this year. It is now called the ‘Distractive Driving” law. A highway patrol can now pull you over for anything that he deems is distracting you from driving, such as eating a hamburger while driving down the freeway. This is called “The Hamburglar Initiative”. Anyway, I started keeping track of all the people driving by me to see which distractive law they were breaking. The following is my observation as each one passed me by:
Texting, texting, cell phone talking, normal, normal, nose picking, normal, texting, eating, yelling at kids, texting, normal, normal, cell phone, Sexting, (caught you), normal, giving me the angry birdie, drinking coffee, sipping soda, normal, dog barking, texting, eating yogurt, nose picking, normal, kissing, kissing? Yep, now back to normal, texting, nose picking, yelling at kids, dog barking, cell phone, putting on makeup, hands waving yelling into the cell phone!  Long lull no cars. Here comes a….dirty look, hey why the dirty look? I’m just standing here waiting for the bus!  Here comes another car, ooh, I just got ogled. Not bad for an old man like me. Texting, normal, blind man driving, hu? Oh, he’s wearing those shield glasses over his sun glasses; maybe he just came from the eye doctor. Here comes another car, a very old woman driving slowly with about 10 cars backed up behind her. Here we go again, man yelling and cussing at old woman driving slowly, teenager texting while driving with his knees, normal, texting, cell phone, normal, nose picker, gosh I could make a killing selling Kleenex here on the side of the road. Normal, normal, oh oh blond woman driving, normal, cell phone, putting on lipstick, cell phone, normal, eating a hamburger, someone giving me weird hand signals, gum chewing, mother slapping kids in the back seat, oh she just veered toward me. Gosh I wish the bus would come by soon. Here it is, getting on, I pay my fare. The bus driver looks impatient. “Hey let me sit down before you gun the gas!” Slipping and swaying my way back to the seat, I get a little sea sick. OMG! I think I just crossed a cloud full of pot smoke. No wonder everyone looks so serene. Sitting down, I want to yell, please take a shower people!! I open a window next to me and pull out my book to read, another day taking the bus down highway 9. Will I survive?